Kids, Devices & Music: Using Tech for Well-Being (Not the Other Way Around)
I’m a board-certified music therapist and a mom who uses TikTok more than I’d like to admit. Both parts of me walk into the therapy room.
Some clients can do a full session with only live music - drumming, singing, guitar, movement - no screens, no recordings. Others need or benefit from recorded music or YouTube as part of the work: we dissect lyrics, talk about the video’s message, even name what’s “for me” and what’s “not for me.” And then there are the kids who arrive clutching a phone like a life raft. For those with spiraling anxiety, sleep loss, or explosive behavior linked to heavy online time, the plan sometimes says no devices in session. That boundary can spark refusals and big feelings. Sometimes they won’t come in. Sometimes they won’t come back - at least for a while.
We still hold the boundary.
Not to punish, but to protect the treatment goals we’ve agreed on with families. Because here’s the reality outside any therapy room:
Nearly all teens are on YouTube; most use TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram - and many say they’re online almost constantly. Pew Research Center+1
The U.S. Surgeon General warns social media can disrupt sleep, heighten anxiety and body-image concerns, and that we cannot assume it’s “safe” for youth without guardrails. HHS.gov
Pediatric groups urge family media plans, shared rules, and device-free sleep. HealthyChildren.org
Clinicians describe Problematic Interactive Media Use (PIMU) - addiction-like patterns where kids show cravings, meltdown when devices are removed, and struggle with school, mood, and sleep. The Digital Wellness Lab
As therapists, we have to meet kids where they are - which, today, often means online - and still lead them somewhere healthier.
How we work with digital in the music room
1) Live music only sessions
For some clients, no recordings, no screens is the regulation we’re chasing - and honestly the norm we wish we could use in all music therapy sessions... Live rhythm, breath, voice - co-creating sound - reliably steadies the nervous system and builds agency. (The arts overall are linked with better mental health outcomes across ages.) NCBI+1
What it looks like: piano/vocal/instrumental improvisation co-creation, call-and-response drumming, songwriting about a tough week, vocal toning for down-shifting, movement to music to shake out adrenaline.
2) Guided digital sessions
For others, recorded music or YouTube is a bridge - not a destination. Teens commonly use music to shift or steady mood; done well, it supports coping and identity. We use that. SAGE Journals
What it looks like:
Bring a song you love. We pause to notice what your body does in verse/chorus.
Read the lyrics together. “What lines help? Which lines cause negative feelings?”
If a video glamorizes harm/violence, we name it - and rehearse a skip/close script.
We curate playlists for different reasons (3 songs to calm, 3 to lift, 3 to move) to use instead of autoplay.
3) Device-free sessions (with support)
When a plan says no devices, we expect pushback. We name it, validate it, and hold the limit anyway—because the goal is regulation, connection, and choice-making beyond the algorithm. Parents are exhausted. Teachers are burned out. A firm, compassionate line in one room can help everyone breathe.
Why the caution?
For kids prone to rumination/depression, looping sad/angry tracks can intensify distress. Awareness and coaching matter. PMC
Earbuds + volume + hours = hearing risk. Keep it around ~60% with breaks; avoid bedtime earbuds. HealthyChildren.org
Five teen-tested swaps (we use these at home & in therapy)
From autoplay to intention → Make a Reset playlist together and pin it. Use that instead of YouTube Shorts. (Name it something your kid will actually tap.) SAGE Journals
Bedtime buffer → Devices out of bedrooms; swap to low-volume speaker music 30-60 min before sleep, plus one add in reading. HHS.gov
Active > passive → 10 minutes of making sound (keys, guitar, beatbox, drumming the table) before any gaming. Creativity counters the scroll trance. NCBI
Feelings check → Teach the question: “Is this track helping me feel, or keeping me stuck?” If stuck, skip or switch to a reset playlist or other helpful playlist. PMC
Volume pact → Post simple rules: ~60% volume, take listening breaks, and “I should hear you at arm’s length.” HealthyChildren.org
Conversation starters (steal these):
“What kinds of videos on of YouTube/Roblox/TikTok make your body feel tight or tense (anxiety)? Which feel good (happy, excitement)?”
“When you’re sad, what music helps and what music keeps you stuck there?”
“If your social media feed was a friend, would you trust it?”
The bigger circle: parents & teachers
When digital use explodes at home, parents get ground down - so of course we hand over tablets to stop the fight. When those patterns walk into school, teachers carry the fallout: sleep-deprived students, attention crashes, hallway drama born online. We can’t fix the whole internet, but we can change our piece of it:
Make (and model) a Family Media Plan. One rule you’ll actually keep beats five you won’t. HealthyChildren.org
Protect sleep like it’s your job. (Because for mood, learning, and behavior - it is.) HHS.gov
Build offline anchors - music, clubs, sports, faith/community groups - that give kids belonging beyond the screen. NCBI
Back your school’s reporting paths for concerning posts, and coach kids to screenshot, report, and tell an adult.
Why this matters: Presence isn’t anti-tech. It’s pro-human.
We’re helping kids learn how to use tools without losing themselves in them - and helping families and educators reclaim a little nervous-system space in the process.
Some days, yes, everyone’s in chill mode and the living room becomes a dressing room after an offline “Dress to Impress” runway. Other days, it’s a reset playlist and a walk. None of it is perfect. But with a little honesty, a few limits, and a lot of music, we can make tech serve well-being - not the other way around.
